I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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