I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
