Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
