I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
