That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I party with great urgency now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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