he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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