i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
