YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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