hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
