Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
