oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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