Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
