I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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