I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
