Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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