His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
