I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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