there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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