Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
