it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
