Can i not drive my cunt home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
