You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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