what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
