The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
