come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
