I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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