quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
