i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
