what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
