Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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