so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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