is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
