Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
