Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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