Ambien. No doubt about it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
