I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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