Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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