Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
