Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
