I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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