He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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