my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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