see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
