nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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