somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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