It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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