Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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