I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
