your room smells of hookers.
And success
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
