4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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