this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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