Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
