My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
